Sometimes I don’t know what to think. I don’t know why God does things the way that He does. I’ve been struggling with this a lot lately. In this past week that I’ve been home from China, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, a lot of soul-searching, a lot of Bible-reading and a lot of praying. I often wonder, “Why do I have to go back to school in a few weeks? Why can’t I just go back to China? All I do is worry about the orphans.” A friend of mine told that God will tell me when it is time to go. He is preparing me for the time when I will go back. I should not worry but I should pray. I felt reassured until I heard the news that a little baby boy named Hudson at one of the orphanages that we visited, who had only one atrium and one ventricle in his heart, passed away to be with his Father, forever healed, on Saturday.
I thought, “Why? God, why did You create this child to be abandoned and die? Why would You even create him to die before he even turned a year?” I was furious at God.
But God said to me, “Dear child, you need to step back and look at the whole picture. All you can see right now is the small strokes inches away from your face. His life was for a purpose. Do you think that I did not know what I was doing? I had a plan for him and I have a plan for you. I created him for a purpose, remember, I knit him together with My hands in his mother’s womb, for a purpose! I knit him together as I knit you together, for a purpose! You may not understand now, but someday you will and when you get there I will be waiting for you. You need to have faith.”
Then I knew, God had created Hudson for a purpose, a purpose that little Hudson had fulfilled. Little Hudson touched so many lives in his short one and even after his death, he will continue to live on. Hudson is forever healed and he is with his Father.
As I continue on my journey, I can only hope that God will give me the strength to follow Him, even when I don’t understand. I hope to have the faith of Noah, the faith of Abraham, the faith of Moses, the faith of Elijah. I pray that God will open my eyes and that I will know that He is in control. That is my prayer.
Proverbs 3
Romans 12
Psalm 139
Hebrews 11
